The worst fear

One fine evening, a coach asked his student- Why are you not hitting the big shots and the kid replied, “ I fear that I will loose my wicket”.

This is not a fiction. This is my story. At each juncture of my life, the worst fear has changed. When I was a kid, I always feared to sleep alone. At any given day I would snuck next to my mom and sleep there. It was my comfort zone. As I grew, the fear evolved and when I reached to 10th class (board examination), my fear now was of failing in the boards. My parents are professors, hence the household was always focussed on education and as their kid the worst I could have done at that point was to fail in the boards. As I grew older, my fear changed to failing in IIT-JEE examination (which I inadvertently could not qualify). During my final years of engineering, I started to fear staying unemployed and not get a job at the end of the college.

In all the above cases, I overcame few and was able to acheive what I wished to and I failed in some. In hindsight, all those fear looks so childish and irrelevant in the bigger picture. But with the age and certain circumstances, a fear seeped in me from which I have been struggling for almost 6 years now.

My worst fear, the fear of loosing my parents one day. The fear that one day, my phone won’t ring with the names of Papa/Mummy on display. The fear that once one of them passes, will I be able to help the other one and give all the comfort that could ease them into the changes. I fear not.

Every night that I sleep I think after X years all this won’t be there. The house, the parents will not be there and then what will I do. Every vacation or festival I look forward coming to home but I fear after some years I won’t be able to enjoy the breaks as I do today.

Its extremely sadistic to think something like this but it’s a mere fact which I hope to overcome but I know this fear one day will come true!